Keep your eyes on your own plate

6:10 am my cell phone buzzed beside my bed to wake me up. From time to time, my dad will offer to take any of his children who are home to Waffle House before school/work. In anticipation of this glorious gustatory event, I rolled out of bed, stepped into yesterday's jeans, tugged a bra on underneath my pajama shirt, and stumbled to the bathroom. Squinting in the bright light, I twirled my hair into a sloppy half-bun, brushed my teeth, and went downstairs to meet the rest of my family.

On most mornings, I spend upwards of an hour getting dressed before I ever leave my house, or my room at school. The usual routine involves shower, clothes, blow dryer, curling iron, makeup, jewelry, etc. It is important to me to be neatly dressed and attractively groomed, as a general rule. I don't obsess over my appearance, but it is important to me. I guess it's just the way I was brought up. But sometimes it's just a little too early for all that.

As we walked into the WaHo, with me in all my 6:30 glory, I immediately felt the eyes of 2 or 3 gentlemen of the trucker-type on me. They watched me from their booth, their eyes following as my brother, my dad, and I slid into the table. I buried my face in my menu, though I knew exactly what I wanted. I could still feel them looking at me and I hated it.

I hated it not because I didn't look pretty. I hated it because I felt dirty. I felt like they didn't have any right to look at me that way. I'm not used to that feeling. I can't think of a time when I ever felt that way at school. But the irony hit me -- when I get dressed usually, there is the subconscious thought, "Do I look good enough? Do I look pleasing? Will someone else find me attractive, as I look right now?" And here I was, in WaHo, having had an affirmative answer to my question , and I hated it.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, to all the guys who have treated me or any woman with respect, even in the most subtle way, thank you. It's not that I don't want to be pleasing and attractive. I do want to be those things, if only for my own self-confidence. If I look nice, please, let me know, but use your words and your smile, not your eyes.